What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
The Worldís Perspective
DSM-IV BPD Definition
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships,
self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety
of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: (Note: Not everyone will have all of
these. For example, not all BPDís self-mutilate).
(1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or
self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between
extremes of idealization and devaluation.
(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image of sense of self
(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex,
substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating
behavior covered in Criterion 5.
(5) recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
(6) affective instability = due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria,
irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
(7) chronic feelings of emptiness
(8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper,
constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
(9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
"Interpersonal relationships in BPD are particularly unstable. Typically,
borderline patients have serious problems with boundaries. They become quickly involved with people,
and quickly disappointed with them. They make great demands on other people, and easily become
frightened of being abandoned by them. Their emotional life is a kind of rollercoaster." ĖJoel Paris
M.D. Taken from The Journal.
To learn more, this is a good source of information:
(BPD and battered men) and http://www.bpd411.org/dsmannotated.html
Millions of people of the United States have Borderline Personality
Disorder. 75% of those are women, most of them victims of abuse as children. BPD can be very damaging
to both spouses. The BP is unaware of their actions and doesnít understand why their spouse gets angry
and the spouse of a BP canít figure out why their spouse goes into wild rages and acts like they do.
The result is continued turmoil.
The devil uses Borderline Personality Disorder to deceive many into
rejecting the standard of living that God has laid out for Christians. It is an effective tool and it
has broken up many marriages. BP's live their lives based on other's actions instead of based on how
Jesus would have them act. They really have no concept of who Jesus really is. Love and forgiveness
are completely foreign to them, as well as personal accountability. They live in their own world and
are their own God.
There are many symptoms associated with borderline personality disorder.
The most common one is EXTREME behavior. For example, they may completely abandon you and never speak
to you again. They really do believe that this is normal! Other common symptoms are extreme rage,
always blaming others, and claiming to be a victim. Another major symptom is devaluation. A BP will
devalue a person when the BP is angry at them. This way a BP wont feel guilty that they are treating
the person cruelly. In their mind, this "bad person" deserves to be beat, abandoned, and punished.
The BP no longer sees the person as a person with feelings. They look at them as worthless trash that
deserves what they get and they avoid that person.
Another example of extreme behavior that many BP's exhibit is abuse.
If you only knew what the BP went through as a child, your heart would overflow with compassion. Most
BP's were abused as children. We all know that hurt people, hurt people. Many BP's are abusers. The
goal of BP's is to hurt people BEFORE people hurt them. They believe that their spouse is just like the
person that hurt them in their childhood and the will repeatedly lash out at them. Some BP's only abuse
emotionally, but many BP's abuse physically. In their mind, they are defending themselves from future
abuse. A BP wife may abuse her husband because in her mind all men are abusers. She may have a men
hating spirit. She may purposely cause an argument and when the husband gets upset, then she will claw,
kick, bite, punch, or throw things at him in order to "protect" herself from being attacked. In her
mind, she is always the victim. BP's that abuse have been severely abused as children. But unless you
read these symptoms, when you have been attacked by a BP, you are going to take it personally because
the hatred seems very real. When BP's attack, it is VERY frightening! The main thing to keep in mind
is that it is not because of anything you did. If they didn't have BP, they may get mad at you for
something you did, but they wouldn't fly off into a rage and beat you. NOTHING justifies getting beat!
These are a few of the main symptoms.
Here are some other behaviors BP's exhibit.
A BP may find it difficult to understand that you can be upset with them, accept them, and still love
A BP may sing, praise God, and proclaim God's love and forgiveness and at the same time be bitter and unforgiving against you.
A BP may refuse to admit any fault, even in trivial matters.
A BP will have a victim mentality.
A BP will assert their "rights" while denying yours.
A BP may try to get close to you one moment, and then need space the next.
A BP may see you as either wonderful or terrible, and nothing in-between.
A BP may have trouble expressing or receiving love and will be unable to establish interdependence.
A BP will have unpredictable rages for seemingly illogical reasons.
A BP may physically abuse others such as clawing, kicking, biting, and punching them, and not remember
the incident, remember it differently, or claim self-defense, even when they started the incident. This
is because a BP may actually play scripts in their mind from their childhood when angry. When they
attack, they may be actually trying to defend themselves from something that happened in their
Many BPís dissociate frequently throughout the day. It will appear that they are purposefully ignoring
you but in actuality, they do not hear you. They will also dissociate while in a rage. They may attack
you and throw things, and the moment you restrain them, they may switch personalities and "wake up" and
get even more violent. All they will remember is you restraining them, not them attacking you. They
will think that you are trying to abuse them like they were abused as a child.
A BP may hate those that they were once close to and walk away from relationships, never looking back, for issues that are trivial or overblown, and that they themselves created. They do not understand the devastation this causes. They are able to completely abandon you instantly, writing you out of their life without explanation. They will only come back if the Holy Spirit opens their eyes to their sin.
A BP may make false allegations in order to through suspicion off of themselves because admitting fault is devastating. If they have fault, they think that you will reject them. They will often reject you first so that they can hurt you before they believe you will hurt them. They may actually believe the false allegations they are making, although they know deep down inside that something is wrong with them.
BP's will project their behavior on you. They believe that your feelings are the same as theirs and will retaliate against you being angry with them when they are angry with you, even though you aren't angry with them. They will also blame you for their inappropriate behavior. BP's get angry when they abuse because they "see" what they did through an alter personality (God allows the mind to split (dissociate) to protect children being abused. Later in life, these alters are still present until reintegrated during deliverance). They realize that their behavior is inappropriate and that makes them angry. However, they then project that behavior on you because they can't cope with their own behavior. Then YOU become abuser because they couldn't have possibly abused you. They do not remember all that they do when they dissociate, but they know that it happened. Since they believe that they never do anything wrong, they will blame you for what they did while dissociating. Projection is a handy way of avoiding responsibility. BP's know that there is a problem, and they may believe it is their fault. However, they rationalize that if it was their fault, you would reject them. Since you didn't reject them, then it must be YOUR fault. They then must reject YOU.
BP's will react to situations based solely on how it affects them. They will not consider their spouse and will make narcissistic demands. BP's often also suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
BP's will make threats and try to manipulate their spouse if they don't get what they want. They may frequently threaten to leave and never come back in order to get you to meet their demands. THIS IS A FORM OF WITCHCRAFT CONTROL. It is not uncommon for a BP to purposefully put you in a situation where they can have complete and total control over you and then accuse you of controlling them. For example, nobody held a gun to their head when they married you. However, they will force you into an immoral and ungodly divorce, and then take complete control of it not allowing any opportunity to even speak about it. This is called "Empowerment through Withdrawal" and is a common way that insecure people find purpose. By controlling you, they feel like their life has meaning and that they are somebody. This is completely demonic and is from the spirit of witchcraft. This spirit is dealt with routinely in deliverance. This spirit was discerned in both my wife and I.
BP's can rationalize and justify anything. BP's that claim Christianity can easily justify why God doesn't expect them to have Christlike behavior. At times their goal may be to hurt you as much as possible, even resulting to arming themselves with deadly weapons, to punish you for their internal hurts and fears.
Feelings Create Facts - Healthy people base their feelings on facts. BP's do the OPPOSITE. BP's have feelings FIRST, and then manufacture facts to fit those feelings. Their feelings are constantly changing, following no logical pattern. Victims of childhood abuse may not have been able to express their feelings at the time of abuse. BP's are in internal chaos much of the time. They are constantly "protecting" themselves from their spouse, refusing to integrate with them. They are not in control of their feelings and may blame you for them feeling like they do. They are also afraid to integrate with their spouse because it makes them vulnerable. A Christian marriage is about two people becoming vulnerable to each other. This terrifies a BP.
Psychological or Spiritual?
Deliverance ministers have been helping those with Borderline Personality Disorder before the psychological community recognized it. Deliverance pioneer Frank Hammond includes a chapter in his book, "Pigs In the Parlor", on what the Holy Spirit called "Schizophrenia". This chapter takes a detailed approach of what happens to childhood abuse survivors as they become adults. This chapter on Schizophrenia is actually a generic description of many disorders that while the psychological community has narrowed them down, the Lord simplified things under a single umbrella. Depending on the spirits involved, the person inflicted will have different traits.
While many deliverance ministers are familiar with dissociation (some use dissociation and multiple personality disorder interchangeably but not all people who experience dissociation are considered to have MPD), many have not heard of borderline personality disorder. Because of this, Christians searching for help with this disorder may have a difficult time finding help on the web. I want you to know that borderline personality disorder is just another of the devils many tricks to destroy you, your marriage, and your spouse. You, your marriage, and your spouse can be free from this disorder in the name of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. By His stripes we are healed, whether it be MPD, BPD, Schizophrenia, or whatever you are dealing with.
Demons, Personalities, or Both?
Does your family have a history of inherited health problems? Does alcoholism run in the family? The
Bible mentions that the sins of the fathers are passed down the generations. Abuse is a cycle. Abusers
were abused, and then they abuse others, and the cycle continues. One way the devil gets authority to
operate in a person is through the sins of the fathers. When a child is abused and rejected the devil
may be given authority to torment the child. It always starts with rejection. From there the spirits
of rejection, rebellion, bitterness, and unforgiveness can take hold.
Bitterness and unforgiveness are extremely devastating. The Holy Spirit is unable to work through a
person with bitterness and unforgiveness. The Bible mentions that bitterness closes the heavens. It
hinders intimacy with God. Jesus said that the Father would not forgive those that refuse to forgive
others and they would not inherit the Kingdom of God. Bitterness and unforgiveness does more damage
to the person who is bitter than the one they are bitter against. It is merely letting the devil have
control of your life.
It isnít the abuse victimís fault that they were abused. However, it is their responsibility to put
on the armor of God and be sober and diligent to the devilís schemes. A childhood abuse victim is
going to be severely demonized. However, if they refuse to deal with and forgive their offender, they
will be giving the devil more authority to operate in their life. It will continue to get worse and
worse until it gets to the point that the devil will have so much control that their own will is
affected. It may get to the point where the devil will try to get them to commit suicide. BPís in
particular are susceptible to demonic control because they will not admit fault. They will not confess
their sins to the Lord. They wont seek help. It is easier to convince someone that doesnít have BPD
that they do have it than it is to convince someone that actually has it that they do. But the only
way a BP can be free is to humble themselves before the Lord and ask Him to heal them. When they
renounce their behavior and ask Jesus to heal them from their childhood abuse, the devilís authority
to operate in them is stripped away and the deliverance minister can begin to cast out the spirits.
Children are vulnerable to trauma more so than adults. A child will dissociate in order to cope with
the abuse. Their mind will "compartmentalize" and that new compartment that is created may have its own
personality. When your spouse became an adult, they became able to fight back against the abuse. When
your spouse dissociates, they are switching between compartments. Their mind is shattered. When they
are in the compartment that their childhood abuse is "stored", they may react violently due to the fear
of being abused or abandoned. Your deliverance minister will know how to re-integrate your spouseís
shattered mind. It is important to realize that dissociation may be minor or severe. Any
"personalities" that have been created are not demonic themselves, but may be under demonic control.
My Spouse Has BPD. What do I do or donít do?
Do NOT take things personally. They are acting the way they do out of FEAR of rejection and abandonment. They think that if they aren't perfect, they are worthless. They have been programmed to think this since childhood. Remember that your BP spouse is acting the only way they know how to survive. Don't let their paranoia get to you.
DO NOT GET ANGRY no matter what they do. They will provoke you to see if you will get angry. If you do, that "proves" to them that you hate them. Do what you have to do to maintain peace. This doesn't mean that you have to close your eyes. Note their behavior and inform your deliverance minister and counselor/therapist of your spouse's behavior. Do not talk to your spouse about it directly. They will be unable to understand that their behavior is inappropriate until the spirits are dealt with. No amount of marriage counseling will affect a BP until the spirits are dealt with. Once they are cast out, they will need therapy in order to learn socially acceptable behavior.
LOVE them unconditionally. Ask the Lord to infill you with Agape love for your spouse. When this happened to me, my whole attitude changed towards my wife. I could love her no matter what, regardless of her behavior because her behavior had no affect on my love for her. PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR (1John 4:18).
LEARN COMPASSION. Remember that they are living in constant inner turmoil. You must show your spouse compassion and understanding. Do all that you can to make them feel safe. This is a terrible affliction. BP's are professional victims. They really do believe that you are out to get them. Try to be as compassionate as possible and BE CAREFUL. BP's will engage in distortion campaigns. Once they abandon you, it is not uncommon for them to call the police or get a restraining order against you for reasons only they understand. They will pathologically lie, but in their own minds, they convince themselves that it is true. Otherwise it would take away their justification for their sin, and admitting sin is terrifying to them. Do not respond in anger when they do this. The devil uses abandonment as a favorite tool. As long as there is no communication, there can be no reconciliation, and the BP will not receive any information that may help them get healing. The devil can keep the BP in bondage and away from healing. Realize that this is all demonic and that they wouldn't be doing this if they were under the Holy Spirit's control. Remember, true love endures ALL things, not most things! Show compassion!
GET DELIVERANCE IMMEDIATELY. If your spouse has abandoned you, you still need to get deliverance for yourself immediately. Deliverance eliminates everything that is keeping you from being all you can be in Christ. It will certainly expose everything within you and it will humble you. Your spouse is no different than you, they just have different areas in their life that they have to work on. Everyone has areas that need work. By you working on yours, you can both be free when your spouse gets healed. Your BP spouse is extremely sensitive to judgementalism. By humbling yourself in deliverance, you will make them feel more secure when they realize that you don't see yourself as superior to them. If you can get them to a deliverance minister, do so as quickly as you can. If you don't, eventually they will be gone. They would rather lose their job, spouse, family, and friends than to admit that they have a problem. Just get them there, as lovingly as you can, and never forget that you two are in this together.
Do NOT threaten to leave or leave during a conflict. DO NOT SEPARATE! If you must walk away for your safety, go into the next room or out the door but stay close by. One of my biggest regrets was leaving for a week. I had obtained permission from my pastor to leave out of safety concerns. However that was the worst thing I could have done. That reinforced my spouse's worst fear. Obviously you are not expected to take abuse, but it is better that your spouse destroy your property than for you to stop your spouse by trying to restrain them and getting injured because of it. Let them rage without trying to stop them. When things calm down, assure them that you love them endlessly and deal with the situation only with your deliverance minister and therapist. Do NOT forget to note their behavior and tell your minister. If you completely ignore their rages, they will continue. You must deal with them with a third party.
Do NOT remind them of "their" problem. That is your spouse. YOU ARE ONE. This problem is from the devil, not your spouse. You are both on the SAME side. Remember that ESPECIALLY if your spouse abandons you. The commitment you made when you were married was to the Lord, not just your spouse. Even if your spouse bails out, you must remain true to the Lord and do everything possible to stand for your marriage. Anyone can remain true in the good times. A true Christian doesn't change morals when things are bad! Divorce is NOT an option anymore during the bad times as it is during the good times!
I cant stress enough how important it is to love and forgive your spouse no matter how many times they attack you. It is equally important to get help as soon as you can! Once a BP abandons you, it will take an act of God to bring them back home. No matter how many godly people talk to them or how many miracles that God does, unless the BP is healed, they will always devalue you so that they don't have to admit to themselves that they need to change. As long as they devalue you, it justifies abandoning you in their minds. They have no concept of the torment they have caused you, your family and their own family. They just see you as a completely worthless person that even God devalues so they don't feel that God will mind if they divorce you.
When will a BP get help?
BP's will only get help when they realize that they are destroying their lives and the lives of others. It may take direct and specific action by the Holy Spirit. They view getting help as weakness not realizing that NOT getting help is weakness. Remember BP's never do anything wrong, and when they do, they will do everything they can to cover it up so they don't get "rejected". They do not understand that normal people dont condemn them for making mistakes, they condemn them for not admitting their mistakes and correcting their behavior. For a BP to get help, they have to see that the benefits of getting help outweigh the risks. A BP that confesses Christianity may not do the right thing even if God specifically commands it. It may take a miracle by the grace of God for them to accept help. But once they get help in the form of deliverance, they will be set free! The strongholds will come down and the spirits will be cast out in Jesus name! The hard part is getting them to want help. Once deliverance starts, the healing begins. The Holy Spirit is in control! It is important that the BP be a Christian. Doing deliverance on non-believers is dangerous because there is no Holy Spirit to fill the void and the spirits will return.
This is some of what BPís/MPDís/demonized victims feel and experience:
control at all costs
fear of vulnerability/being taken advantage of or abused
problems giving or receiving affection
difficulty relying on others/distrust
inability to deal appropriately with conflict/withdrawal/running away/avoidance
difficulty nurturing self
lack of trust of own perceptions and feelings
emotional shut down or 'numbing'
inability to see the positive aspects of oneself
need for space
inability to connect with spouse
'splitting' mind from body feeling invisible
physical symptoms with no medical cause, especially headaches and abdominal pain
feeling betrayed and repulsed by own body
Temperature fluctuations in the same part of the body at different times
withdrawing or flinching from touch
talking in their sleep
not being 'present' in own body
denial of bodily needs
high pain tolerance
idealizing, overvaluing, or devaluing others/self
inability to forgive/bitterness
fear of commitment
difficulty with trusting self/others with intimacy
self-imposed isolation or excessive neediness
not valuing relationships
inability to view sex intimately/sees sex as an act without love
no sexual desire
pain during intercourse
sexual guilt about sexual pleasure
belief that one's only worth is sexual
intrusive flashbacks of forced sex
deep hatred of body and its sexual responses
sexual orientation confusion
dirty view of sex
impulsively entering/leaving relationships
compulsive lying or other behaviors
dangerous risk-taking behaviors
inability to see consequences to their behavior